Unwanted Geometry
by Sturm and Drang
Summary: It's been an exciting day for the mystery twins. But now they're tired and ready to go to bed. Too bad a certain triangle didn't ask their opinion.


Disclaimer: I don't own Gravity falls.

How something so awesome appeared on Disney channel I will never know, but I will always be thankful.

Just a little humor story, because I can and college work is boring.

S&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&D

"…And that, my dear brother, is why sprinkles are better than jelly beans. It's simple math."

"Mabel. There was not a single word in that explanation that involved mathematics of any kind. All you did was rant about how jelly beans are the bane of all existence for twenty minutes then ate half a jar of sprinkles."

"Details Details…" She waved him off.

Dipper and Mabel had just gotten back from a busy day of mystery hunting. Dipper had heard a rumor about a three-headed all knowing trout, but it had turned out to be false.

Well sort of. There was a trout. And it was pretty knowledgeable in advanced engineering and philosophy. But it only had one head and was severely lacking in knowledge of the inner workings of the universe.

The three-headed one had been kind of silly, singing songs about how people shouldn't worry and be happy.

But that trout and Mabel had gotten along swimmingly, quite literally in fact. Mabel had been trying to swim upriver and catch flies before Dipper had a chance to stop her.

Then a bear caught her. Luckily it was a cousin of the multi-bear and had let her go as a favor to Dipper.

Then the day had gotten a bit weird.

Suffice to say, Dipper would never look at a beaver the same way again. Nor ducks. The creation of a platypus wasn't as exciting as it sounded.

They had managed to return to the mystery shack reasonably whole and healthy, eaten an okay dinner of pickles and pizza, and were ready to go to bed.

Dipper opened the door to their room and froze.

There was a triangle sitting in the middle of the floor.

There wasn't any other word for it. It wasn't a pyramid, although it did have the laid brick pattern along the base. But it was just a three dimensional triangle, glowing yellow and sitting benignly on the rug.

It was also frighteningly familiar.

Dipper chose to remain calm. Panicking would not solve anything.

"Mabel."

"Yeah Dipper?"

"Do you see a triangle sitting in the middle of our room?"

"I was kind of hoping I could ignore it, to be honest."

"It's Bill isn't it?"

"That's why I wanted to ignore it. He's really annoying."

"You know he's too dangerous to do that." Dipper slowly stalked forward until he was standing right in front of the unwelcome piece of geometry. He examined it carefully. It looked almost exactly like Bill; it didn't have his arms, legs, eye, or top hat. But the shape was unmistakable.

"Bill! What are you doing in our room?" he demanded. You had to cut off the demon before he had a chance to speak or he'd talk circles around you.

The triangle remained silent.

"Answer me!"

The triangle continued to not do anything.

He was about to take another step forward, but Mabel caught his arm.

"Dipper! Are you nuts! Don't touch the evil corn chip, who knows what kind of freaky things he'd do to you." She admonished, hauling him backwards.

"Good point. But what do you suggest we do? He can't stay there."

"Let's check the journal, I'll keep an eye on him and see if he does anything."

"Right." Both twins edged around the motionless triangle and made their way to Dipper's bed. Dipper began to flip through the journal, finding the page that referenced Bill, he examined some of the crossed out lines. Trying to figure out what they said about the dream demon.

"_And the demon 'Bill Cipher' is not to be trusted, he can warp the minds of those around him without even trying. He also dislikes the color orange, which is completely unreasonable," _he read. He was pulled out of his thoughts by a clanking sound.

"Mabel!" Dipper jumped to his feet. But the triangle hadn't moved, hadn't sprouted arms or thrown fire or laughed maniacally."

"I have concluded that grappling hooks are ineffective on stupid triangles." Mabel declared, retracting the tool. Dipper eyed the triangle for a moment.

"Mabel, did the grappling hook go through him? Or did it just bounce off."

"It bounced off."

"So he's solid? That's strange. He's supposed to only exist on a different dimension, how can he be solid if he's in the real world? After all, he had to steal my body so he could interact last time." In curiosity, dipper picked up his pillow and threw it at the menacing shape.

It passed right through him.

"What?"

"Hmmmm?" Mabel fired the grappling hook again.

The hook bounced off him with another clank.

"Mabel, give me the grappling hook. I want to try it."

Dipper pointed and fired. The hook passed right through the triangle.

"How come things you do don't affect him, but things I do, do?" Mabel asked. Then froze, eyeing Dipper with suspicion. "Unless you aren't really Dipper! You're just one of Bill's weird dream thingies! Admit it! You're a dream thingy!" she declared. Pointing at dipper in triumph.

He shot back an _are-you-kidding-me_ look.

"Really? That's the first thing you go to."

"Oh. Very convincing Mr. Not-Dipper. If you're the real Dipper, what color am I thinking of?"

"If I'm a figment of your imagination, wouldn't I already know?"

"Answer the question or be exposed."

"…Glitter?"

"AHA! I was thinking of sparkles! Not glitter."

"Aren't they the same thing?"

"Silly Dipper, of course not."

"So?"

"So… I guess you are the real Dipper; nothing in my brain could ever not know the difference between sparkle and glitter."

"…Right. Besides, if I was one of his illusions, wouldn't that mean that I would be able to make contact with him, being on the same plane of existence as him? But I'm not able to. So…"

"So you aren't one of his dream things… but I can make contact with him." Suddenly Mabel started flailing her arms. "OH GOD! That must mean I'm one of his dreams." She leapt off the bed and started running around in a panic.

Dipper face palmed. "No Mabel, I don't think that's what it means."

"I can't be a dream! I mean sure, I'm every guy's dream girl. But I can't be a dream. I don't want to disappear when I wake up."

Dipper picked up his blanket and waited for her to pass before throwing it over her, perfectly covering her.

"Oh GOD! It's happening! I'm disappearing into dreamland! I'm leaving everything to Waddles!"

"MABEL, calm down! You're not a dream." Said Dipper, grabbing onto the blanket and pulling her to a stop. Pulling off the sheet, he reached into her sweater pocket and pulled out the half finished jar of sprinkles. He unscrewed it and shoved it into her mouth. She immediately stilled, quietly sticking her tongue out and picking up sprinkles like an anteater. "That's right Mabel. Eat the sprinkles, everyone knows dreams can't eat sprinkles."

After a few minutes, she had calmed down. "Thanks Dipper. I needed that."

"Anytime. Now back to the matter at hand." He gestured at the triangle, still engaging in a whole lot of nefarious nothing. "What are we gonna do about him? He may not be offering us deals or bending the laws of physics, but we really need to get rid of him.

"Oh! Oh! I have an idea." Mabel then proceeded to grab Dipper's sheets and throw them over the motionless shape of evil. They settled over him like a shroud, hiding him from sight while still showing off his shape. "There we go. Out of sight, out of mind."

"I think we're going to need something a little stronger then blankets to keep him down."

"You mean like a really fluffy towel?"

"What? No! I mean like an exorcism or something."

"We could throw him out the window."

"I'd rather not have to touch him. So, I'm going to look through the journal a little more. Can you watch him and make sure he doesn't do anything… Bill."

"Don't worry Sargent Mabel is on the case!" Mabel began to patrol around the room, keeping an eye around the triangle.

Dipper began to look through the journal. There had to be something.

* * *

><p><strong>One hour Later:<strong>

"…_And a dream catcher, woven out of purple thread is one of the few things I've found to slow down the demon. I intend to investigate this further, If only I could stop his interference, I'm sure I could find out the true secrets of Gravity Falls."_

A dream catcher woven out of purple thread… hmmm. "Hey Mabel-" he looked up and paused. Somehow Mabel had managed to construct a little fence around Bill. And was patrolling around it. Waddles had joined her, decked out in a little army helmet. Mabel had, at some point while he was reading, managed to get a camouflage sweater and combat boots. She was keeping her grappling hook trained on the demon at all times.

"Yeah Dipper?"

"Uhh…" he wisely chose not to ask where she had gotten her new attire. "Has he done anything?"

"Nope. All he's done is sit there being dumb!"

"Do you have any purple thread? We need to make a dream catcher out of it."

"Sure do." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a spindle of purple yarn. "I always carry such things."

"Well give it here."

"Dipper, the last time you tried to make something artsy like a dream catcher, you tied yourself to a chair. Leave such things to the art professionals!" she charged out of the room.

"Mabel wait!" but she had already gone. Dipper sat there for a moment, then looked back at Bill. He started glaring at the sinisterly still shape. "I don't know what game you're playing at Bill, but don't think I'll fall for it. I know you're up to know good."

The triangle did not reply.

"This silent thing suits you Bill, your voice is one of the most irritating things about you, if you're not talking I can deal with you easily."

Still nothing.

"I'm serious Bill. I'm not falling for whatever you're doing. We've beaten you twice, and we'll beat you this time too."

The shape continued to be unresponsive.

"Oh I see. You're trying to get inside my head! Freak me out by doing absolutely nothing. Well, hehe. It's not working! ... I'm not falling for your tricks, you hear me!"

Waddles trotted over, pushing his way through the fence and started sniffing at the motionless menace.

"Waddles! Get away from the evil triangle!" but it was too late. Waddles pressed his snout against the shape and pushed forward.

The triangle began to move.

"AHA!" Dipper shouted.

The triangle tipped forward. Landing flat against the rug with a little puff of dust.

Dipper stared at it. Waddles stared too, before trotting forward and sitting on it.

"Oh you're good. That little act nearly convinced me that you're not actually Bill. But too bad I'm too smart for you. I'm gonna watch you like a hawk, and when Mabel gets back, we're gonna exorcise your sorry butt right out the window."

Waddles oinked at him before lying down and rolling around.

"Good boy Waddles! Here let me try." Dipper walked up to the triangle and kicked at it.

His leg phased through the triangle, throwing him off his footing and making him land hard on his butt.

It wouldn't have hurt so much if he hadn't landed on the fence.

"Okay! That is it!" he yelled furiously rubbing his bottom. "You're in for it now Bill!"

* * *

><p><strong>1 hour later:<strong>

Mabel finished applying the glitter to the dream catcher, and sat back to look over her work.

"Hmm… it's still missing something." She snapped her fingers. "Of course!" she reached into her pocket and pulled out a sticker. It had a picture of candy on it with the caption: Sweet Dreams. She slapped it in the middle of the catcher.

"Perfect. This is exactly what Dipper wanted." She paused. Then jumped to her feet in a panic.

"Oh no! DIPPER! I left him all alone with Bill. I hope he hasn't gone nuts again!"

What if Bill had offered him a deal! Dipper would probably wind up selling his soul for a detective hat or something. She grabbed the dream catcher and bolted up the stairs.

When she threw open the door. She was greeted by Dipper's ranting voice. "-A list! Do you hear me Bill? I've made a list! A list of ways I'm going to beat you! First I'm going to get the shrinking flashlight, then I'm gonna shrink you down to the size of a corn chip! Then I'm going to feed you to Waddles! What are you going to do then you little piece of equilateral evil? Hahahahahahahahahah!"

Mabel didn't hesitate.

She ran into the room and smacked him, cutting him off mid rant.

"…Thanks Mabel. I needed that."

"What the heck happened?"

"Well… I'm pretty sure this is Bill, but he's not acting like he's supposed too and it was bugging me. So I started doing some stuff to get a rise out of him, but none of it worked, so I kind of started doing crazier stuff to try and make him reveal himself. I think he's getting inside my head."

"I'll say, don't get so worked up Dipping-Sauce, I've got that dream catcher you wanted." She held up the creation to emphasize.

"Great." he took it and held it over the triangle, grinning triumphantly. Then he paused.

"What's wrong?"

"Uh… the journal didn't really say how the dream catcher is supposed to stop him."

"Why don't you just drop it on him?" her twin nodded, and placed the dream catcher on the dream demon.

And nothing happened.

The twins plus Waddles watched the triangle.

It persisted to do absolutely nothing.

"I think we should go to bed." Mabel said after a few minutes. "If he's still here in the morning, we'll deal with it then."

Dipper stared at the shape for a minute longer, then nodded. It was probably for the best.

* * *

><p>Dipper sat in his bed, eyes bloodshot as he stared at the evil spawn of geometry.<p>

He'd been awake for hours, just staring at it. He hadn't been able to sleep. He knew that if he did, the triangle would disappear and he wouldn't ever figure out what was going on.

Suddenly, just as the morning sun began to peek through the window, the triangle began to shake.

Dipper shot out of bed, keeping a tight grip on the dream catcher as the shape began to float in the air.

Skinny black arms popped out of it. Followed by legs, and a top hat.

Then an eye popped out.

"GOOD MORNING GRAVITY FALLS! WHERE AM I?" Bill's voice, full of manic glee, echoed throughout the room. Mabel shot out of bed, bringing Waddles with her and pointing the pig at the floating shape.

"Bill! I knew it!" Dipper yelled, catching the demons attention. Bill blinked at him, looking at Dipper in what might have been surprise; it was difficult to tell because he didn't really have a face.

"Pine Tree? What the heck are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here? This is our room."

"Is it…? Huh… so it is. Did you kidnap me or something? That hasn't happened to me in ages."

"What? No! You just showed up here and have been tormenting us for hours."

"Actually, me and Waddles have mostly just ignored him."

"Oh! Shooting Star's here too. What a party!"

"Enough!" Dipper yelled, stepping forward and shoving the dream catcher in the giggling demon's face. "Why are you here?"

"Oooh! Dream catcher! Love these things." Bill exclaimed snatching it out of Dipper's hand. "They're so much fun to play!" he started plucking on the yarn, somehow filling the room with the sounds of elephants trumpeting.

Dipper just stared. "But those are supposed to stop you…" he trailed off as the elephants were replaced with the sound of a steel guitar.

"Stop me? AHAHAHAHAHA! You must have been reading that silly little book of yours again! I just think these things are funny." He started playing the catcher like a tambourine. "Listen to that sound! It's even in tune!"

"Hey! Bill!"

"Yes Shooting Star?"

"Answer the question, unless you want to get blown up again."

"Oooh! That actually sounds pretty exciting! Can we skip to that second part?"

Mabel responded by shooting him in the face with her grappling gun. Only to have it bounce off him once more.

"Jeez! Kiddo. I think you've got some latent anger issues. You know, I could go inside your noggin and fix those for you, if you want. All you gotta do is ask."

"As if we'd take one of your deals again! You'll just cheat us again."

"I'll give you the code eventually, I just haven't gotten around to it yet."

"Look, will you please just tell us why you're here, and get lost?"

"Well since you asked so nicely… I have no idea! I might have been sleep walking. I have been doing that lately… which is totally weird considering I don't actually walk anywhere.

"So you were asleep or something?"

"Probably."

"And you didn't show up here on purpose."

"I don't think so."

"So I've been wasting my time worrying over nothing?"

"It's funny how dumb you are kid."

"So what now?"

"I think I'll just leave."

"…"

"What? Do I have a right angle on my face? I get those sometimes, terrible things those."

"You're going to leave? Just like that? No tricks? No trying to destroy our stuff? Just leave?"

"Yep. It's a Monday. I have places to be on Mondays. Bye-bye." With a pop, the triangle disappeared.

Mabel looked at Dipper. Dipper looked back at Mabel. Waddles chewed on the rug.

"So… it's over?" asked Mabel.

"I'm choosing to forget this ever happened."

"Agreed."

S&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&DS&D

**Authors Note**

So that happened. I feel like it started strong, but dragged a little in the middle, and I don't think I really did Bill justice.

There are only so many different terms for triangle.

Let me know what you thought.

Oh and thanks to my buddy Heroman45 for BETAing


End file.
